Broken

Have you ever been broken?

During this time, when I should be rejoicing for my son and the excitement of his first missionary trip, there's been a series of downfalls that would be discouraging even in the best of times.

He's been gone now for one week (tomorrow), and the first 4 days I literally thought I would go insane. Never did I think I would miss him as much as I did (do). On top of that, we went through a series of "attacks" that left me breathless:

• my husband got hurt at work
• a close friend turned away
• a very expensive repair was needed on my van
• my younger son had to be rushed to emergency

As a new thing happened daily, I was left with the sensation of "just one more thing added to the plate" -- and, already weighed down by missing my son, I almost crumbled under the pressure.

But as I contemplated these things, I realized that although I felt these as very real attacks, these were opportunities to lean on the Lord...and being the stubborn person I am...I realized that I should have been doing so all along.

The brokenness left me as a wheel with an obvious tear. I'm now going along with an obvious limp, but slowing down has caused me to reflect more. I'm reading my bible more, praying more fervently, and seeing the Lord clearer. Would I have been doing these things had I not felt this intense pressure? I don't think so. We serve a Good God, One who wants and does bless us mightily. He did not cause these things to happen, as they are just be part of life, but I believe He uses circumstances for our good.

So rather than focusing on the bad things that were happening, I made a conscious effort to focus on the blessings God has bestowed. This was difficult, but at my lowest point, between missing my son and having all these other issues arise, the Lord lifted me up, and my son called from the training center. I can always count on Him.

Although it can hurt, as growth often will, being broken serves a greater purpose. Because I'm leaning on the Lord, in my brokenness, I've now been made whole.

Jude 1-2

I first submitted my life to Christ at age 17. Granted, I had no idea what it was all about...I made sure I was seen with my Bible, I tried memorizing scripture for memorizations' sake, and I continued living like a heathen. Definitely immature. At the height of immaturity, I firmly believed that if I had a question or a problem, I could simply open the bible and the first verse I laid my eyes on...that was my answer!! Oh, what a shame in reducing our Mighty God to a genie in a bottle. Thankfully, I grew up...took me a while...but I'm a work in progress.

Well, as only our Mighty God can do....yesterday we had some time to kill before my son had to go to the boarding gate, so he took the opportunity to take each of his brother's and sister's aside to have a little pep talk. He spent the longest time with his bio-brother, encouraging him to be the "oldest" and to take up the slack around the house. Seeing them sitting outside in the atrium together, laughing and joking, really touched my heart. Anyway, I was holding my son's bible, he has an NIV/Message parallel bible, and as I was trying my darndest not to cry, I opened his bible and the verses my eyes fell on were Jude 1-2 of the Message, which read:

1. I, Jude, am a slave to Jesus Christ and brother to James, writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus Christ. 2. Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!

Oh, what a mighty God we serve! That He would allow my eyes to fall on these two verses, at the exact moment that I was breaking down...I now have the verses posted on my pc, and when I start to feel that "anxiety" creep up, I will re-read the verses until they are memorized.

God was able to turn a childish notion of mine, over 20 years later, to comfort me when I needed it most. Best of all, when I opened the my son's bible, I wasn't even looking to read anything, I just needed to look away from my boys sitting outside....it was too poignant for me to intrude on their conversation by even just looking at them!

Thank you God, for being faithful even when I am not!

The Difference

He's Off!!

My son left today to Peru...actually, he will be in Dallas until 6/25; that day they will fly to Miami, then on to Peru. His schedule is pretty booked until he returns on 7/22. He will spend 2 days in Dallas winding down, then fly home on 7/24.

I was thinking today about the differences between my son and I at the same age. At 19, I was a wild-child (nothing to brag about) who fled to the military...I marched into the Army during an inevitable war-time (Thank God I didn't have to go)....I flew from my hometown to Lubbock, TX, to Atlanta, then to Columbia, South Carolina. To this day I don't know how I made it, since I'm from a one-horse town and had never been inside an airport, let alone an airplane.

My son, at 19, is marching into a different war, one that is a lot more subtle, but its leader, our enemy, is so much more crafty. My son has flown before, but only as a small child...because of 9/11, we could not go with him to the boarding gate. It was difficult waving good-bye from the escalator, and I could hardly see through my tears.

The difference between us in our respective ages is enormous. I went with "war-time" heels; he is going in peace and hope. I went as I was running away; he is going because he is running "to"...the call of his God. I went with a rebellious heart that was full of hopelessness; he is going with a full heart that is overflowing with the knowledge of his Savior's love.

I don't blame anyone for my past; my parents were very dedicated and did what they could with me...I listened to the world-system. Thank God, He didn't let me go even though I made a commitment to Him at the age of 17 but did not honor until I was 37.

So, my lovely son...I will see you in 33 days....counting down day by day until you return full of stories and a love for the Peruvian people....Until then!

Peru Missionary Trip

My oldest son will be leaving in a little under 2 weeks for Peru on his first missionary trip. Although I know it's his destiny, and although I trust God, I am still nervous about him going. Not so much because it's a missionary trip, but because for the first time in 7 years, he will not be here with me every day.

Yes, selfish, I know. He's been homeschooled since he was in the 6th grade, so I am more than used to him being home. So, like I said, it's selfish on my part.

He's prayed for direction in his life for several years and for a long time his goal was to join Master's Commission, but when he dissected his reasons for wanting to be in MC (MCAustin, to be exact), he realized his heart was drawn to the mission trips.

So, after reading I Would Die For You by Brent & Deanna Higgins last September, he decided to go straight into missionary work. I recommend that book to everyone to read. It is excellent!

He will be going to Peru with the organization Awe Star Ministries. And...the country coordinators this year will be Brent & Deanna Higgins! That is such a God-Thing!!!! My son is super-excited about that alone!!

I've posted a link to the organization he'll be going with, and also to Brent Higgins' blog. Muddle through the sites...you're sure to be inspired!!!

http://www.awestar.org/
http://www.prayforbj.com/