Broken

Have you ever been broken?

During this time, when I should be rejoicing for my son and the excitement of his first missionary trip, there's been a series of downfalls that would be discouraging even in the best of times.

He's been gone now for one week (tomorrow), and the first 4 days I literally thought I would go insane. Never did I think I would miss him as much as I did (do). On top of that, we went through a series of "attacks" that left me breathless:

• my husband got hurt at work
• a close friend turned away
• a very expensive repair was needed on my van
• my younger son had to be rushed to emergency

As a new thing happened daily, I was left with the sensation of "just one more thing added to the plate" -- and, already weighed down by missing my son, I almost crumbled under the pressure.

But as I contemplated these things, I realized that although I felt these as very real attacks, these were opportunities to lean on the Lord...and being the stubborn person I am...I realized that I should have been doing so all along.

The brokenness left me as a wheel with an obvious tear. I'm now going along with an obvious limp, but slowing down has caused me to reflect more. I'm reading my bible more, praying more fervently, and seeing the Lord clearer. Would I have been doing these things had I not felt this intense pressure? I don't think so. We serve a Good God, One who wants and does bless us mightily. He did not cause these things to happen, as they are just be part of life, but I believe He uses circumstances for our good.

So rather than focusing on the bad things that were happening, I made a conscious effort to focus on the blessings God has bestowed. This was difficult, but at my lowest point, between missing my son and having all these other issues arise, the Lord lifted me up, and my son called from the training center. I can always count on Him.

Although it can hurt, as growth often will, being broken serves a greater purpose. Because I'm leaning on the Lord, in my brokenness, I've now been made whole.